im drinking this country out of the recession.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
