After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
