Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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