hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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