Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
