We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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