im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
