I'm gonna have a badass scar
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
