Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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