I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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