apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
