Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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