I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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