It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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