my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
