I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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