I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
