you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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