one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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