I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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