After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
