Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
