she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
