Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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