i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think people are normalizing furries
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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