the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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