I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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