she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
