Just mADE A PArabola og urine
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
