Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
