I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
