Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
