Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
