you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
