why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
