At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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