so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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