i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
