sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
