you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
