smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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