The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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