Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Blood and glitter go together right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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