I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
