Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
