Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
