I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
