We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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