so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
