you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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