my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
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His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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