just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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