me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
high people should be assigned attendants
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
