So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
