I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he thought i was a dude.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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