the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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