I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
