i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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