I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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