Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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