at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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