I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
