Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am midnight drunk by noon
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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