i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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