The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
