that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
