that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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