there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
