wrigley field is MILF paradise
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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