Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize