I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
