Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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