Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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