Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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