I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
