OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
